Stronger

It is a byproduct - a gut-wrenching bonus that I wasn't expecting and sometimes I don't want.

This special needs world, community, fight. So much of it  - so many circumstances, situations - I expect them to be a certain way. I expect Handsome to respond this way or that. I am expecting one thing and am met with something completely different. And oftentimes it is the opposite of what I want.

And yet, God uses my weakness. God chooses me. God chooses Handsome. God chooses our family. God chooses our community. God chooses our church. God chooses. You'll notice I didn't say chose - rather I said chooses - as in continually chooses us.

Can I just say something? Maybe there is a crazy kiddo in your class at school, a co-worker that drives you bananas, a family member that makes you want to walk the other way. Please, oh please, take a second look. Take a minute more.

Often we talk about seeing past the behaviors that aren't social norms or perhaps don't fit into the mold we have planned - to see the coolness that resides in that person underneath.

BUT as I am walking through a situation in real time, real life, I am reminded by Him that Handsome is the way he is ON PURPOSE, all of him. There is obviously a purpose for Handsome himself and there is a purpose for every person that spends time with our family.

To sharpen us into something STRONGER. BRAVER. (idk if that is a word and I don't care)

So thank you in advance to all of the teachers, therapists, leaders, sunday school workers, ministers, and friends. I can promise you two things - it's gonna be awesome and painful. That's how God is. And we get to be a part of His Story and you get to be a part of Handsome's story. And guess what? Handsome gets to be a part of YOUR story.

Our family verse God gave us earlier this year:

Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV)
⁶ Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

He goes - as in continually chooses to go with us.

And lastly, because He is healing my heart with this song...
http://youtu.be/6UXn_OuJkvE

Let Go of the Initially Beautiful

Lately, I've been living out my broadway fantasy debut with my daughter as we sing Frozen at the top of our lungs in the bathroom. It's been hilarious and fun.

No but really, it has made me think- what could have happened if I had chosen to be fearless?

It's no coincidence that I chose these precious verses for my daughter in her room: 

Have boldness...

16 So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Hebrews 4:16

For such a time as this...

14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

Esther 4:14

We try to teach our kids what we did wrong, don't we?

2 lessons the Holy Spirit is working in me:

1) fear of failure (just trying new things)

2) let go of what is initially beautiful, but only weighs me down (the movie, Finding Normal) and trimming the stuff that is sucking the life out of me

For realios, in the past month, these have been our messages on Sunday in either Small Group or through the sermon, at beach Retreat. Oh how great and mighty is He who chooses to teach me, love me and remind me, while scooping me up and holding me close. Our God is the Awesome God. The only True God. 

Let me relate this to Handsome - we have bazillions of professional people's opinions in our lives from all sides regarding this crazy adventure of Autism Spectrum Disorder. BUT, if we put him in every therapy, saw every specialist, tried every holistic or medical approach - what would that do to our FAMILY as a WHOLE???

My God is so big, so strong and so mighty - there is NOTHING my God cannot do. 

So we work. We struggle. We strive for a balance for our family as a whole and Sweetheart and I work, struggle, strive for run after each other, romance each other, laugh together. Because that relationship is crucial to our family - crucial to our survival and crucial to our element of FUN.

Letting go of what is initially beautiful, but only weighs me down...

Rigidity and Sheldon Cooper

Savior, He can move the mountains. My God is Mighty to save, He is Mighty to save. Forever, author of salvation. He rose and conquered the grave. Jesus conquered the grave...Songwriters
CLAWSON, RODNEY / CLAWSON, RODNEY

My God is Mighty to Save. Today, I have my headphones on during naptime. It's what it takes to hear sometimes. They'll survive in their rooms on their own for a while - its foolish of me to think otherwise.

I don't even know what I am writing about today. Just felt compelled to do so!

I rejoice over His Goodness and that He gives you and I the chance to participate in His Story - mind-boggling. I rejoice over the friends that He has shown me over the past year. This was a pointed prayer that I have had for a few years - wanting deep friendships with ladies close to me that I would see often. He has so provided. How thankful I am am to have this support and love from you. You are praying. We see it. We feel it. Thank you for being used by the Great and Mighty. Goodness, Lord, lead me to the Cross.

I deeply encourage you to reach out to your community of friends and share your struggles.

I just want His Heart. His Heart often involves ministry when we feel 100% EXHAUSTED. Which is basically what most mom's (parents) feel all the time. I think there are stages of therapy like there are stages of grief...Right now, I find myself talking more to the mom's around me whereas, a year ago I would peace out into my own world - self-preservation in the crazy. BUT, stepping out and just having conversations with these fellow therapy mom's that are part of my tribe and speak my language is just fantastic.

Another thing that has been happening - I've started working with Usborne Books & More. Perhaps you're thinking - what the crap?

I gotta tell you, I just feel like He is delighting in me having fun with it. If it is ever something different than that, I will shift my focus. For now, I spend an hour or two a day on it - during the kiddos' naps.

Handsome has definitely improved since my last post. We have pinpointed a few things. Mainly as of late, rigidity. This is a term used alot with Asperger's kids and those diagnosed with OCD. Handsome is not diagnosed with Aspergers (which clinically doesn't exist anymore due to the DSM-V changes) and would never have been as he had a speech delay. Click here for a blog post that describes rigidity from the autistic perspective. 

Here is a hilarious example of rigidity from Big Bang Theory. This is EXACTLY what our ABA therapists are doing with Handsome starting this week. I had one of our therapists say you know [Handsome] is Sheldon, right?

Snowmeggedon, Snowpocalypse, & Setbacks

For the love. The past six weeks have been nothing short of stinkin' rough. I really didn't realize how long it had been until my mom got to see one of Handsome's meltdowns that have been happening between 1 and 3 times DAILY. Apparently, I had not told her about it because, as I told her, its just our normal life and what we have to work through and past. We're in a valley of the rollercoaster ride.

School and therapy has drastically been reduced because of the winter weather these past few weeks. I'd say we've had roughly half the amount of therapy and a quarter less of school. I had hoped we would've bounced back by now.

I am reaching out for your prayers, y'all. We are going to increase our therapy a bit for at least the next few weeks.

Here's what you can pray:
1) for Handsome's brain to be more flexible. His OCD tendencies are really at an all time high right now, I really can't adequately express how disruptive and exhausting this is for our entire family.

2) for extra stength for Sweetheart and I

3) wisdom - oh Father, we need wisdom

4) For understanding from Ladybelle - she's really starting to pick up on Handsome's different behavior and is going through that awesome testing stage herself. (Schmoopy, is cool but tried to have a stomach virus this week. He was happy none-the-less.)

5) consistency on how we implement what we learn in therapy

Thank you for loving us, lifting us up, treasuring us, carrying us. We are so blessed.