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Its Christmas Eve. I'd say this is the first Christmas Season since we've had kids (4 years) that I haven't broken down in tears at some point. And I adore this time of year - full of wonder and magic, mystery - all centered around this God-baby - Jesus.

At least that's how its supposed to be, but usually its just crazy town and I feel like I am fighting to find that wonder and amazement since Thanksgiving and I just put so much pressure on myself...blah, blah, blah.

There are two reasons this season is different: 1) we've pared down the crazy and the number of gifts we exchange and 2) I'm on Zoloft, y'all.

Please know I am not being flippant about it.

Exactly 2.5 seconds after my last post, I got a second opinion on some symptoms I have been for, let's see, 6 months or so. I felt much more prepared for this appointment, than the last as my Sweetheart and I had a very candid and honest conversation about the ups and downs of my behavior and emotions over those past few months. He is just so sweet with me. I had to really tell him it would be okay to be so completely honest with me. And I think my heart was really ready to listen as well.

All I can say is God is so good. I truly felt like I was having relationship issues with my heavenly Father at that point. But, He does not abandon, He tells us which way to go. He tells my heart - go this way, not that way.

For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

Wonderful Counselor. That the Right Hand would contain Himself in skin. Hmmmm. Shaking my head right now. How did He do that?

I am not alone. I am not spinning my wheels trying to "figure out" what's next - as if my Heavenly Father is trying to keep His Will hidden from me.

That, my friends, is a blatant lie from the devil himself.

Do not believe for one second that your Wonderful Counselor, your Mighty God, your Everlasting Father, your Prince of Peace wants you to wring your hands in worry, pull your covers up over your head in despair, or worst of all - and truly oh how truly this is the worst - to become indifferent to His Heart.

Please, know that my Wonderful Counselor, my Mighty God, my Everlasting Father, my Prince of Peace is whispering to you even now. We desperately underestimate His great compassion, endless grace and mercy towards us.

I don;'t know about you, but I have to fight tooth and nail to even barely get grip on the weightiness of Christmas. What Jesus gave to come down here.

And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. ²¹ And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:20, 21

Thank You, Father, Father for Your Holy Spirit.

Labels. So I have a mild form of depression. Its taken me a good 2 months to talk about it - joke about it...My original title in my head (to Beyonce's Single Ladies) All You Zoloft Ladies. Right.

I had a hesitation because I didn't want to be thought of as, well, broken.

Some families decide not to get their kids officially diagnosed with Autism. This might mean that others will think their kiddo is, well, broken.

Everyone has some type of label.

I have no clue how to end this without sounding trite and ridiculous, I am so incredibly thankful to have taken my symptoms to my doc and gotten help. I am so thankful for our team for Little Handsome. I am so, so thankful for a diagnosis.

The God who made everything is making all things new. (Steven Curtis Chapman, Happy New Year)